


Seasons Change

by kingiamesbible



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Everyone's in a relationship, Fluff, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Valentine's Day, really late oop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 15:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3386381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingiamesbible/pseuds/kingiamesbible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winter follows Summer, the moon follows the sun, but they never seem to be together in one place. </p><p>aka Steve is surrounded by happy couples on Valentine's Day while Bucky's gone awol and he starts feeling pretty lonely</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seasons Change

**Author's Note:**

> YEAH HI THIS IS SUPER LATE but I said I was going to write Lina a stucky valentines drabble and it turned out to be way longer than I expected?? It was supposed to be about 2 pages but then I got a bit carried away and it turned into a bit of a domestic-vengers deal. But better late than never right?
> 
> Only canon divergence here is that Riley is still alive!! Happy (belated) valentines day <3

It doesn't come as a huge surprise when Bucky forgets valentines day. After all, he's only just started remembering things from his own past, slowly piecing memories back together with help from people he barely even knows. And of course Steve has been the one by his side whenever he needs, helping him recover shards of his identity and rebuilding who he was before. But Bucky only just remembers Steve. Only just manages to overcome uneasiness between them. Only just lighting up when Steve recalls a memory and smiling faintly. So yeah, it's not really a surprise that he forgets something so insignificant in the scheme of how the lives of everyone in the tower are going. It's just one day. Just another day. 

But still, it hurts a little, because  _Steve_  remembers. He remembers back in Brooklyn, getting excited every year but never showing it, hoping that this year would be the year he'd pluck up the courage to say something about how he felt about Bucky. He remembers the year before the war started coming home to see their kitchen table all set up with candles and roses and wine and Bucky standing sheepishly next to it with his collar  _done straight and all the way up_ , grinning crookedly at him like an invitation. He remembers hours of talking and laughing and holding each other and kissing, being able to forget their worries for one evening and just sit together, wrapped up in each other's company. He remembers smiles and laughter and dancing together alone in their apartment. 

Now, smiles are a rarity, no one ever hears Bucky laugh, and since he doesn't even seem to remember that him and Steve were lovers before Bucky fell, dancing is off the table. In fact, Steve finds it hard to even touch him at all without him flinching or bolting away. It pains Steve to see Bucky so uneasy around him, so restricted, so cautious. So different. 

Of course, he knows Bucky can't immediately go back to who he was before the HYDRA procedures. He knows it's not that simple and that it's going to take time and patience on both their parts. But he still can't help but feel down when Bucky doesn't pull him to his side while they watch TV, or neglects to smile at something he would have found hilarious before, or isn't next to him when he wakes up in the morning. He can't help himself wishing for before. It's not fair on Bucky that he hopes for someone else; longs for the all-human, cocky and confident Brooklyn boy he used to be. He's not that person anymore, and Steve knows he has to adapt to the changes in his personality if he wants Bucky to start being comfortable. Bucky's still part weapon, and part of his mind still belongs to HYDRA. His metal arm isn't going to go away. His memories aren't going to click into place in a matter of days. It will take time. 

Still. Steve remembers. He hopes half heartedly that Bucky will remember and at least acknowledge the holiday. But instead he rises to discover Bucky isn't even in the tower. This isn't something abnormal; he often goes on long walks and stays absent for days while he tries to clear his head and maybe even remember something, however small. Usually, Steve would be glad for this occurrence, and he would get on with his own business. But of all days he could have picked, he picks today to leave Steve alone. He doesn't even attempt to push down the disappointment weighing within him. 

He decides he won't let his dismay affect the other tower goers today though. He'll still make an appearance at Tony's exclusive valentines gathering (avengers only) just to make Tony and Natasha happy, and he won't sulk just because he is the only one in the tower without a date. There's a list in his room with small gifts he's planning to buy for his friends because, as Bruce keeps repeating, the 14th of February in Mexico is all about platonic love which he's hoping to promote tonight too. So, in that spirit, Steve is determined to show his love for his friends with gifts he hopes they'll appreciate. 

The tower is quiet when he goes for breakfast, bleary and disheveled, as he imagines most of the others are still asleep. All the better for him to make his escape into town to buy presents. He creeps into the kitchen, shielding his eyes from the sunlight streaming through the floor length windows. 

On the kitchen table, he finds a card decorated with a large glittery red heart against a blue background, silver stars drawn in marker pen around it, and a small box of expensive truffles with a note attached. The card is signed by the rest of his team, with a short but sweet message from each of them inside that makes his morning squint turn up into a genuine smile. Of course, the truffles are from Tony, with ' _see you tonight!_ ' written in his scratchy handwriting inside the small note. Grinning happily, Steve opens the box and eats two to compliment his cereal, feeling pangs of warmth and appreciation for his friends fill him and cheering him up immensely. Maybe the day wouldn't be so bad after all, despite the lack of Bucky. 

 

 

After getting dressed hastily, Steve rushes out immediately armed with his list, thankfully not running into any other avengers and avoiding questions that would give away his good intentions. The cool air of a slowly ending winter whips into his face and through his hair, turning his cheeks pink and his nose sore. With his hands tucked safely into his pockets and an old beanie of Clint's to cover his ears though, he finds he doesn't mind the chill. It is rather invigorating, actually. Refreshing. Steve has always had a fondness for winter. 

In total, he visits eleven stores looking for everything on his list. Only a couple of people recognise him, and he can tell they are keeping their eyes trained on his movements, watching him scan the aisles for gifts and most likely trying to think who Captain America would be buying presents for on valentines day. They don't approach him though, which he is grateful for. At least they have some respect for his privacy. One little girl waves and smiles at him as he passes her in the clothing aisle of one store, and he returns the gesture gladly. In that fleeting moment, she looks at the bag in his hand then back up to his face, and gives him a wink so sly that Natasha would have been impressed. Holding down a chuckle, he winks back at her before she and her mother pass him by. 

It takes him three hours to get what he needed. For Tony and Bruce, visual sweaters, one printed with a lightning storm and one with a starry expanse of sky Tony had denied looking at when he and Steve last went shopping and Bruce had expressed a desire for; Natasha is getting a star-shaped charm for the bracelet Clint got her for Christmas; for Sam, a two-disc CD of Caro Emerald tracks since he has learnt Sam is fond of 40s-style music and Steve is glad to recommend good albums; and finally, a set of blue and gold gardening tools and a packet of violet seeds for Thor, who has recently taken up an interest in tending the small garden on the roof of the tower. Finally, he stops at a card shop and buys six so he can write one for each of them. Briefly, he considers getting Bucky something, but then he realises he has no idea what he would like now, or whether he would even accept it, or if he would know what it was for. He probably won't even be around for another few days. That thought pains him more than he cares to admit. So he settles for crossing only six names off his list before turning and heading back to the tower where Tony will undoubtedly insist he helps decorate for their evening in the glass room. 

Credit where it's due; Tony did pick the most pleasant room in the tower to hold his gathering. It is a high-ceiling room that takes up a whole floor, and the walls are all glass so you can see the city of Manhattan from all around. The floor is polished white, covered mostly with fluffy cream carpet, a low wooden table in the centre surrounded by pale blue couches and a circular crystal light hanging above it. During the day, the room floods with natural light, flickering off the individual shards of crystal on the ceiling and sparkling on the floor. At night, a long string of fairy lights stretching around the glass on all four walls will turn on, keeping the room constantly in a warm golden glow as the sky darkens. It always tends to have a romantic atmosphere about it. Steve figures that's probably the reason why Bruce and Tony spend ridiculous amounts of time doing their work in that room. 

By the time he gets home, evening is already setting in and when he climbs up to the glass room (after making a stop to his own room to drop off his bags), the fairy lights have been turned on. Bruce, Tony and Pepper are all inside already putting up decorations. As he comes in, Tony almost falls off his stepladder in his rush to greet him, causing Bruce and Pepper to sigh while Steve just laughs and receives his excited hug. As expected, Tony immediately shoves decorations into Steve's arms and gives him detailed instructions on where and how to arrange them while Bruce looks on, rolling his eyes and shaking his head apologetically. Steve doesn't mind though. He's glad for something to keep him occupied. 

Once Tony's satisfied that Steve is on the case, he returns to Bruce's side and kisses the pout off his face before climbing back up the ladder to continue hanging paper hearts from the ceiling. 

Just as Steve begins to busy himself scattering rose petals in the designated areas, his phone buzzes in his pocket. It's a message from Sam:

  
**Bird Wilson, 19:23pm:**   _ask tony if it's cool if i bring riley would you_

So Steve shouts up and gets affirmation from Tony, who almost falls again and receives frustrated shouts from Bruce while Pepper sips champagne and giggles. 

  
**Me, 19:24pm:** _Stark says you're good. You on your way?_

A few seconds later, he gets a reply. 

  
**Bird Wilson, 19:24pm:** _yeah getting in the car now. your boy still not showing up?_

Steve's stomach twists painfully as he reads that, making the mistake of looking over at Bruce and Tony who are, as if on cue, bumping foreheads and being all affectionate under the stupid paper hearts. He turns back to his phone before they (or worse, Pepper) notice him looking glum. 

  
**Me, 19:25pm:** _I think he's going to be awol for a few days._

  
**Bird Wilson, 19:26pm:**   _well like bruce keeps saying, its also about friend love and you know im always here for you man_

  
**Me, 19:26pm:** _I know you are. Thanks Sam._

  
**Bird Wilson, 19:27pm:** _no problem cap_

Despite telling himself he would endure the cutesy couple antics that will undoubtedly be going down this evening, being in the same room as Bruce and Tony is, at the moment, making him extremely sad. It doesn't help that he notices Pepper smiling at something on her phone, probably a message from Maria, and he decides to excuse himself to go and wrap his gifts. The trio must have noticed his upset expression because they let him go without question and Pepper hops up to finish with the rose petals. 

On the way to his room, he stops by one of the smaller kitchens where he knows Clint and Natasha are busy baking special cupcakes to say hi, but when he sees them laughing and swiping at each other with red icing fingers, he decides not to disturb them. Those two rarely express affection or emotions towards each other in the presence of others, and he figures he should leave them to their alone time. Even if that does mean Nat cracking up when Clint shrieks because she manages to get icing on his nose. He sighs as he turned the corridor. Sure, he is happy for his friends, but with Sam and Riley on the way, as well as Maria, Thor and Jane, he is going to have a hard time keeping his smile straight. 

+

It isn't as bad as he had expected, in the sense that the couples aren't sitting in each others laps, each in a different corner of the room and being in equal parts cheesy and cute. Everyone generally mingles and chats with everyone else, and all his gifts get greatly positive reception. He counts that as a success for him. Bruce and Tony put their sweaters on immediately, Nat clips her charm on right there and then, Clint pours the champagne from his flute into his mug and Sam insists they play his CD and won't take no for an answer. Thor lights up at his gift and drags Jane out to come and plant then immediately. Overall it's a nice atmosphere; everyone even sticks to the dress code that Tony had enacted, much to the annoyance of everyone in the tower. Damn the man and his ironic love for commercialising holidays. The only pair who really keep themselves to themselves are Pepper and Maria, but they are excused since they haven't seen each other for almost half a year. Besides, they look so happy chatting and sipping their champagne against the expanse of Manhattan lights that no one really has the heart to try to get them to join the rest of the crowd. 

Much to the delight of Clint and Natasha, the cakes go down a treat. They seem to rate their success on the basis that no one drops dead, and that seems to be good enough for them so they promptly resume their icing fight but with a much more celebratory element to it. 

It is a pleasant evening, and while Steve is never able to forget his absent friend, he does manage to have a good time. Everyone seems to pay him extra attention to make up for his lack of significant other, which he doesn't really mind. In fact, it's welcomed. He even receives a couple of friendly cards and gifts in return for his. 

Halfway through the gathering, Tony asks him to get some more chips with a slightly drunken smirk on his face, and when Bruce mirrors it rather than look disapproving, he gets a little suspicious. Upon looking around the room, all eyes seem to be on him, and he's fairly certain no one's  _that_  desperate for chips, so he leaves the room with a raised eyebrow and lots of questions. 

Those questions, and anything else occupying his brain, dissolve in an instant when he sees Bucky standing in front of the kitchen. 

His long hair is tied up in a messy bun, and he's wearing a pair of Clint's  black distressed jeans with a red check shirt rolled up to his elbows that, possibly coincidentally, adheres to Tony's dress code and Steve almost  _dies_  he looks so good. He's leaning against the wall with his metal arm tucked behind his back almost self-consciously, but as soon as he sees Steve he peels away from the wall and seems to forget about hiding his arm. For a moment, they stare at each other, Bucky's grey eyes alert. They soften a little once they realise who it is. Steve fights the urge to hug him, as that would probably scare him off. 

"Hi Steve," Bucky says finally. 

"Hey Buck," Steve replies, wondering if this is a set up. He tried to think of where this could be going but his mind is dead set on keeping the  _oh my god, Bucky's actually here, he looks so handsome and I should probably say something but I'll most likely end up blurting something dumb_ train of thought. Thankfully, Bucky speaks again before he has to. 

"I, uh," he starts, clenching and unclenching his fists as he keeps his gaze trained on Steve, "I've got something to show you."

His stomach fills with butterflies like he hasn't felt since before the war. That could mean so many things, and not all of them good, but Steve is so plagued by curiosity that he follows Bucky down the corridor to the end where it opens out into a large balcony overlooking the city. 

When he sees what is there, he starts to realise this might be a dream. A small table sits in the corner, decorated with a candle, a single rose in a glass vase and two of Clint and Nat's cupcakes each sitting on a small plate. A string of fairy lights has been wrapped carefully around the bars of the balcony, and there are tiny confetti hearts all over the floor. Soft music that Steve recognises from nights at the dance hall in Brooklyn floats from another corner, and Steve doesn't even question how Bucky got access to a gramophone because everything looks so perfect underneath the starry sky and in front of the twinkling city lights and Steve can hardly believe it's real. He stands staring at the set up that looks so familiar to that night before the war began, feeling his heart beating relentlessly against his chest and his head fill with unequivocal love that he only hopes he will one day be able to express towards his best friend again. 

"What do you think?"

Bucky's uncertain voice brings him back to realtime. He looks over to the brunet, who looks so terrified and vulnerable that Steve wants to cry and hug him and kiss him all at the same time. But he does none of those things, because he's still petrified of rushing things. 

"I don't know what to say," he admits, surveying it over and over again, as if it will disappear any second. "It's so gorgeous."

To Steve's delight, a smile spreads across Bucky's face, his eyes lighting up, and it fills him with glowing happiness. 

"It's all for you," he says quietly, like he's embarrassed, and Steve's face flushes in record time. 

"When did you do this?" he asks, stepping further out onto the balcony. Bucky doesn't edge away. 

"While you were out," comes his answer, and suddenly a cool metal hand is grabbing his and another is being placed at his waist, and then he's facing Bucky and Bucky is holding him like they're going to dance and Steve can barely breathe. On instinct, Steve places his hand at Bucky's shoulder, but slowly, watching for any flinching or signs of bolting. Nothing. 

Their eyes meet and then Bucky starts swaying, and it's slow and awkward but Steve wouldn't wish for anything else as he goes along with his friend's movements until he becomes more confident, moving in wider arcs around the balcony. Most of the time, Bucky looks at his feet, making sure he doesn't step on Steve's toes, but he occasionally looks up and gives Steve a look almost like he's asking for approval. Steve always smiles at him, which makes Bucky smile and Steve's heart jumps. As they turn, Steve feels Bucky shift his hand's position so his metal fingers intertwine with Steve's flesh ones, still fitting perfectly together despite the change. Bucky seems to watch Steve's gaze on his arm, checking for any signs of disgust or repulsion. When he gets none, his face seems to glow a little more. They just sway gently, the only sound the soft tinkling of the record and the gentle breeze. 

Steve can't help but think how their roles have been reversed once he realises that he has begun to lead Bucky and the brunet is following his movements rather than the other way round. He even mumbles sorry whenever he treads on the blond's toes. 

"You know, that used to be me," he can't help but say. Bucky's eyes flick up to his curiously. "You used to be the one teaching me to dance, and I'd always tread on your toes."

When Bucky doesn't reply, Steve starts to panic and think he said something wrong. Surely Bucky will let him go and run off any second. His grey eyes betray no emotion as he stares at Steve, and he considers apologising for what he said. But then Bucky starts to lean in, and he starts freaking out for an entirely different reason. By this time he's only vaguely aware of Bucky's metal hand slipping out of his and moving up to his neck, and although it's cold, he barely registers it. Everything happens almost too slowly, and Bucky seems to hesitate with every inch, but then finally, his eyes close and their lips brush together and Steve feels fireworks erupting throughout every crevice of his body. As soon as Steve's eyes slip closed too, Bucky is kissing him properly, holding Steve's carefully face in his silver hand with the other hand still at his waist. For a while Steve doesn't know what to do with his hands, but eventually he holds Bucky's waist too because that is what he remembers. Apparently, it registers with Bucky too, because he immediately pulls himself closer to Steve. And despite all the months of being a weapon, being an emotionless killing machine, Bucky is so gentle, cradling Steve's cheek like it's something precious and capturing his lips lightly after they pause for breath before he pushes his own down with just a little more confidence. Each pause seems too long; each exchange of breath leaves Steve more flustered and more out of air to gasp before Bucky reclaims his mouth against his own and continues to kiss him like nothing ever changed. Like he used to. 

They lose track of time, breathing heavily into the icy air as they hold each other close and kiss on the balcony like old times, both of them feeling a familiar warmth and remembering the feel of each other's lips, hands, body, mapping out new scars and old ones, slotting back together like a jigsaw, playing off each other like seasons; radiating each other's light like the sun and the moon, as it always should have been. Summer and Winter should never be so far apart. 

Finally, Bucky breaks away and holds Steve's face in front of him, eyes glinting and with a joyous smile across his face. Steve has a feeling he has the exact same expression. 

"Did you love me?" Bucky asks softly, his lips still barely inches away from Steve's. "Before I fell. Were you in love with me?"

Tears begin to pool at the edge of Steve's eyes. He feels ready to explode from happiness 

"Yeah, Bucky," he breathes, nodding repeatedly and kissing him again. "I loved you so much. I always have, and I always will."

A breathy laugh escapes the brunet, and Steve almost sobs. 

"And I did too, didn't I?" he says, but it barely sounds like a question. "I loved you too?"

"Yes," Steve confirms, and Bucky wraps his arms around him and pulls him into a hug. Without hesitation, Steve hugs him back, feeling Bucky's chest vibrate him ecstatic laughter against him. 

"I love you, Steve," he says, voice muffled in the blond's shoulder, but Steve hears it and it's more than he could ever ask for. 

"I love you too, Buck," he replies, tears streaming down his face as he clings to the one person who means the most to him in the whole world. "I love you so much."

They don't move for a while, standing still on Tony's balcony wrapped in each other's arms, Bucky having finally remembered who Steve was to him; his summer, his precious summer. 

Eventually, Bucky shifts his arms slightly and buries his head in the crook of Steve's neck, beginning to sway them side to side once again and making Steve laugh. He feels Bucky's soft breathing against his neck, steady and slow and  _alive_ , and he can't remember ever feeling miserable. He presses a gentle kiss to the top of Bucky's head, and Bucky responds with a peck to the top of his collarbone. Warmth floods through him, and his cheeks ache from smiling so much, but he can't bring himself to care. 

"'M with you 'till the end of the line, Stevie," Bucky mumbles into his shoulder, and he sounds almost tired like remembering all this has been exhausting, but Steve just grins wider, his heart fluttering helplessly. 

And he can't help but think, despite everything, despite all the times the world has tried to rip them apart only for them to find each other again, that although seasons come and go; sometimes seasons change, but people don't. 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day starry prince <33
> 
> Find Lina on tumblr officialleepace.tumblr.com and find me on tumblr at groovysargeantbarnes.tumblr.com!!


End file.
